


Her

by rizathelionheart



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-16 04:03:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18683752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rizathelionheart/pseuds/rizathelionheart
Summary: Riza has been with other people. Never truly being in love.





	Her

Riza Hawkeye had been in denial most of her life and it was most noticeable as she stood naked in her room with a guy she met at shooting practice. It became clearer and clearer as Nett would kiss down her neck and Riza could feel the immediate pleasure, but also the pain and sadness that inhabited her mind. Nett didn’t love Riza and Riza, most definitely, didn't love Nett either. It was merely a relief behind closed doors and dimmed lights. However, she’d close her eyes like she always did. It would work out well, those black eyes that plagued her mind would make their appearance as she imagined someone else filled her needs and cravings.

It wasn't the first time Riza needed some fun of her own, it had never been more than that. Just a night of meaningless sex, it was fun and provided relief. She didn't date, Riza Hawkeye had no time for such extravagances, her work took too much of her time. The lingering memory of a pair of lustful black eyes over her would plague her as she closed her eyes, her imagination would frequently take it further and she bit her lip hard, not sure how to handle those thoughts. Most of the time she’d push away those thoughts, loving him wasn’t a choice for her, even if she did and she did, in the safety of a darkened room. So she slept with a few guys and Nett became her go-to, they weren't particularly friends, they didn't have deep conversations or any kind of dependence apart from sex.

Nett Barrow was a sergeant in the Amestris military. Riza didn't give him two looks when they met. Until they became very competitive. Nett suggested that Riza needed to relax, she'd always win against him and supposed that was why he wanted her to relax. She didn't realize at first he was attracted to her. So he kissed her. At first she pulled the away and told him it was inappropriate. Nett told her he felt intoxicated by their competitiveness and maybe she could make it up to him. They kissed and took it back to his place, it was the first of many times that Riza called him for some... Relaxing time. She told herself it was okay, it was just sex, however she kept it hidden, especially from her superior officer.

At first it was fun, but soon enough Riza realized she felt sad. She was an adult woman that had no meaningful relationships with anyone, because she couldn't, it was as if she was stuck. That night she decided she'd try to look at Nett in a different light, she tried not rushing it into sex. But that was all it was, impossible to overlook it. So she kept it up and decided she could take on the sadness. She was in love with someone she couldn’t have, when not working, she’d have a booty call and relieve her stress, her frustration, her pain.

The sex was good, but Riza became sadder as time went by, so she would only go to Nett every once in a while. Feeling the terrible pain of loving someone and craving intimacy with him, but being unable to have the one she wanted. Roy Mustang, she’d bite her lips to stop herself from saying his name as Nett kissed her neck and touched her. His name tasted so good whenever she'd accidentally blurted it out. Nett knew, she'd let a muffled “Roy” escape her lips every once time, but he kept her secret, because she kept his too.

Generally her frustration begun in the office. Her feelings towards Mustang were strong and she couldn’t act on them. When he almost got killed by Lust, Riza was broken down. She thought she’d lose everything, her world shattered. She stayed in the hospital next to him for days, she'd stay up watching him breath, he was alive. Her relationship with Nett became more meaningless as she hit the realization that she loved Mustang way too much, she was willing to die for him. As she walked back to her apartment, Nett was sitting on her doorstep, she let him in and had sex, she cried as she released the tension and frustration of days, brought on through the personification of his death in the form of Lust. She cried after Nett left, finally falling asleep in her wet pillow.

The next morning as she went back to the office, she found an unhappy Mustang sitting in his desk, his wound still in the process of healing, his head lowered and his eyes cold under the bangs.

“Good morning, sir.” She said, leaving a warm cup of coffee in his desk and walking towards hers.

As she sat, she noticed a slightly creased post-it glued to the paperwork already on her desk.

_What do you think of a kinky location this time? I miss your body. Meet me in the cafeteria around 9?_

_Nett_

She read to herself quietly. Her face fell as she realized Roy must've read it, her feelings for him resurfacing with guilt. She quickly creased the paper and set herself to solve the problem once and for all. Nine o’clock was approaching. As she got up, Mustang spoke. They were still alone in the office.

“Got a booty-call, Lieutenant?”

Riza froze. He really did read it.

“Sir, excu-, w-what?”

“That is strongly unprofessional of you!” Although he couldn’t care less about what was inappropriate or not. He understood he spent too much time thinking about appropriateness. His throat burnt as he thought of Riza with some other guy. Eyes almost filled with tears when he accidentally read the note, his Riza was with someone else.

“Sir?”

“Aren’t you going to say anything else?”

“This is my business to attend and I have nothing to say to you about it. I don’t know what you think of me, but I would neve-” She was lying and he cut her off. She got defensive, she didn't mean to hurt his feelings but she apparently did.

“I read your note, Hawkeye. I know I shouldn’t have... But before you chastise me about it: It is a bright blue and I thought it was for me. I am sorry for that. But,” Roy looked annoyed and Riza thought she saw pain cross his face, perhaps it was just his recent injuries. “Does he love you, Riza?”

Riza was speechless, it was none of his business, what was he doing inquiring her about this? If he wanted to reprimand her about being unprofessional in her working hours, then he had the right to do so, but this, she hadn’t expected him to ask such a thing. Her face fell on his, his eyes showing surrender.

“I can only hope that he loves you,” His face was down as he stood, a tear seemed to stream down his face. “Riza, you deserve someone that does. Someone that loves you...”

“Excuse me, but what exactly is this?”

“Did you show him your tattoo?” Roy ignored her question. The tattoo and the scars staining her back were a symbol of many things, for both her abusive father, for Riza a symbol of a past, she'd only allow anyone to see if the person was considered trustworthy, as far as Roy knew, only he had seen it, and for Roy the remembrance of the monster he truly considered himself to be. “Does he want to protect you from the monster that did that to you?”

He was crying and Riza’s note was quickly forgotten in her fist, as the same goes for the relationship between subordinate and commanding officer that they had. The post-it fell on the floor as Riza approached her commanding officer slowly and carefully, tears threatening to leave her eyes too.

“You freed me.” She stated. “Don’t you dare call yourself a monster.” Her face cupped his cheek, forcing him to look up into her eyes, tears threatened to leave his eyes, blurring his vision.

Roy closed his eyes, surrendering to the overwhelming feelings in his chest.

“He should hate m-”

He meant to say but Riza hugged him before he could finish the sentence. Roy didn’t know what to do, he loved her so much. He didn’t want to let her go with someone else, even if she should. Hopefully he would convince her to leave Roy behind, so she could be happy.

“Please,” Riza said against his shoulder. “Stop.”

The door opened and two officers came in through the door finding their superior officers in a compromising situation.

“Uh-I am going for a smoke.” Havoc blurt out.

Riza and Roy composed themselves. Roy’s eyes never left Riza’s, they were sad, promising something unclear to her. She hoped he wouldn’t drive himself mad with what he thought was going on. She had to talk to him.

“Stay,” She commanded. “We have a lot of paperwork today.”

Riza picked up her creased post-it and walked back to her desk and throwing it away as she sat. Giving Mustang a look, she needed him to be okay and would attend her business with Nett later.

 

* * *

 

The day went on and the team had left, only Roy and Riza stayed late. She looked at him getting up and getting ready to leave. So she went too, they could talk as they walked away. Roy didn’t look towards her, he had avoided that most of the day, offering her blank glares whenever he needed something. They left the building together and as Mustang prepared to walk away, Riza offered him a ride home. He almost refused but she pushed him to accept.

“Can we, please, talk?”

“About what?”

“You have been sad all day and you are also avoiding me.”

“Riz-" He stopped himself. "Lieutenan-”

“You can use my name.” She interrupted and glared his way as she drove. “Please…”

Roy sighed.

“I don’t want to. It is not my spot to do so.”

Riza sighed too.

“Let’s just talk then?” She proposed, stopping the car in a parking spot nearby his apartment.

“I don’t understand why you want to talk. Why?” He asked frustrated, he felt like he was drowning.

“Because I don’t think you understand what is going on.”

“I do, Lieutenant.” He looked her way this time, his gaze was sad. “I want you to be happy. I truly do. I am not going to report you for that note, but maybe you should stop working for me, maybe you should go and be happy with someone that didn’t hurt you in the first place, so you can be happy.”

Riza could feel tears in her eyes as she heard his words.

“I could never leave you,” She pointed out quickly. “Into hell, remember?”

“But now you have someone that treats you well... Or, at least, I hope so, because if he doesn’t I will kill him.” He trailed off his train of thought, his frustration showing.

“Roy,” She said in a whisper. “It was just sex…” She glanced into his eyes to see his reaction.

“W-what?” He felt a mix of embarrassment and anger. “Just-”

Riza held his hand and nodded, her cheeks slightly flustered.

“How dare he?” He asked in anger. “Just sex? How could he? You should never settle for just that. You deserve so much more!” He wanted to kill the man he never even met.

“Roy?” He looked into her tender eyes, stopping his rage completely. “I didn’t want more than that.”

“What?”

“I never loved him. I was in it to-, well, to relax. I- I am in love with someone else.” Riza admitted blushing.

“You showed him your back?”

Riza shook her head no.

“Only two people have ever seen it before.” Her hand tightened, holding his, letting him know.

“Can I know who you love?”

Her face flustered again, she couldn’t let him know, but he knew, of course he did. They knew.

“Another man. He hurt me, you know?” She looked at him, maybe she could let him know it was okay. “But life has pain in it, it is something we all have to live with. We both know that. This man was brave enough to face the pain he caused and to deal with his mistakes, I will always admire him for that.” Riza looked down, wanting to hide her feelings, as if that was enough to stop Roy from knowing, he'd know.

“He feels things deeply, although he doesn’t want anyone to know that.” She continued and smiled. “He came back to me when he realized his mistakes and, yes, there was pain, but there was so much love and trust. He trusts me with his back and I trust him with my life-”

Riza suddenly interrupted herself, realizing that she might have said something too obvious, she was still his subordinate. Fear stained her face suddenly.

“I-” She didn’t know what else to say.

“Riz, is he-” Roy felt stupid for wondering, he didn’t know anyone that Riza particularly liked apart from his team, Rebecca, the Elric brothers and their family and he couldn’t see any of those being the person she meant. He loved her, he knew so and he thought she felt the same way, which is why the Nett thing was particularly unexpected. He breathed. “Is he- me?”

They stared into each other’s eyes, Riza’s revealing the answer she couldn’t give and Roy’s were in shock at first, more due to her confession than her feelings, fast enough his gaze became gentler.

“Because if it is, I-” He swallowed. “I love y-you-”

He felt like apologizing, but before he did so, Riza’s lips hit his own in a passionate kiss. He kissed her back as soon as he realized what was happening. The kiss was full of passion, Roy tasted her and learnt all the corners of her mouth. His hands moved to her face and hers to his neck, the car’s gear hitting Riza in the belly, careful not to hurt his still sensible skin. They soon broke apart and Riza rested her forehead, tears were in her eyes, a small smile played in her lips. Roy’s grinned and touched her cheek gently, still close, feeling her breath against his face. He pulled away suddenly remebering why he had never done that before.

“Riza, I am a monster. You should be with someone else.”

“Don’t I get to choose?” She simply asked. “I am a monster too. Remember?”

“I am a complicated mess, we are,” He admitted, glaring her way, clear to him how much he truly loved her. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Riza nodded, moving her hand on top of his own. “You are the only person I have ever-”

Roy had always cared for her too. She was beautiful and he destroyed her life, they were in love before he left, but he went anyway, leaving her behind and that was perhaps the least of all his betrayals.

“Okay.” He nodded and reached for her, his injuries giving him pain, his hand cupping her face. “Stay beside me as equals, will you? Shoot me in the back if I stray!”

She nodded and kissed him.

“You are the only person too, Ri.”

They stayed in the car and fell into a long embrace, but Roy felt and uncomfortable and he could feel the need to have her for all the time he didn’t. He’d kiss all her scars and he’d protect her from whatever the world threw at them. They'd think of how to hide from the world later, that could no longer be a concern of theirs.

“Want to come in?”

**Author's Note:**

> Not really what I wanted to write, but here. Hope it is at least okay. Also, I have nothing against one-night stands, I just think when you love someone else they don't really work out, or at least for me. Well, yeah, this one is a bit weird.


End file.
